Faith. Or something like it.

Semper Fidelis. That’s the motto of the U.S. Marine Corps. Semper Fi. Any Latin students? What does it mean? "Always faithful." Actually in Latin it means, “forever faithful." What does it mean to be, “forever faithful”? If you know anyone who’s been in the Marines; maybe an older sibling, maybe the old man across the street, maybe your history teacher at school. If you’ve known anyone in the Marines, you should be able to finish this phrase: “Once a Marine…Always a Marine.” That’s what this motto is supposed to stand for. You see, in the Marine Corps, all Marines are expected to uphold and live by the ideals of the Marine Corps for the rest of their lives.
Always faithful… Faith… What does it mean to have faith in something? What does it mean to have faith in someone? Think about this for a second. Is there anyone who you have faith in? - Is there anything you have faith in? - Is your family on that list? How about your friends?
We looked at a story today from the Gospel of Matthew about a centurion whose “faith” – Jesus’ words, not mine – healed his servant. What exactly was it about this centurion that he said or did that led Jesus to call him a man of rare faith? ___ Let’s take a look at some of the other instances where Jesus healed someone – This section of Matthew, by the way is laden with stories of Jesus healing people.

• Matthew 8:1-3 : “who came to him and knelt before him”
• 8:14 “When Jesus entered Peter’s house, he saw his mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever.”
• 9:2 “he said to the paralytic.”
• 9:20 “and touched the fringe of his cloak”
• 9:23 “ when Jesus came to the leader’s house.”
• 9:28 “The blind men came to him.”

What’s the common theme here? ___ No clue? Let’s take a look again at today’s passage:
5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6"Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."
7Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."
8The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."
10When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
13Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.

What’s the word in verse 10? Astonished! Some other translations say, “amazed.” Okay. Let’s think about this for a second. We’re talking about Jesus here. Jesus Christ. The son of man. The king of kings. The lord of lords. The one and only begotten son of God. Our Lord and Savior. Who walked on water. Who fed 5000 men. Who was born from a virgin. Who turned water into wine. Who died on the cross and was raised back to life in three days. Jesus Christ was amazed. Amazed. What was so amazing about this centurion that set him apart from all the followers?
What sets this story apart from the others in this section of Matthew? If you noticed in all the other stories from chapters 8 and 9, Jesus Christ actually physically went to those he was healing. Christ physically interacted with those he was healing. All of these miracles required a physical interaction.
Isn’t this how our faith is sometimes as well? We need something, anything to hold on to.
Sometimes our faith is conditional. “Lord, I need to pass this exam tomorrow, if you will please let me pass the exam, I will be a good servant.”
Sometimes our faith is superstitious. “We will win the NCAAs if I wear the same shirt and hoodie that I wore when we beat Michigan State, UNC, Wichita State, and UConn without washing them.”
Sometimes our faith is material. “If I invest my savings in a retirement account and a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, and securities, I’ll be able to live happy and comfortably and retire.”
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not faith in and of itself that is the issue here. In all the instances of Jesus Christ’s stories of healing, Jesus commends the healed on their faith. But the centurion in today’s passage took his faith a step beyond and based it, not on the physical presence of Christ Jesus, but the actual power of the words of Christ.
Our faith can be so easily shaken. One curveball or speed bump in life, and it shakes our faith in God down to the core. It could be something as trivial as a broken nail, or something as big as the death of a loved one. Either way, if our faith is not grounded then we are like dust in the wind.
Think about this for a second. We love to box God up and think of God as our own personal genie.
“God will heal our relative who is on his deathbed.”
“God will magically mend our friend’s broken leg.”
“God will help me pass this exam.”
And when our prayers aren’t answered our faith is shaken. You see, we set ourselves up for disappointment precisely because we think of God as our own personal genie. We ask and question God when our relative dies. We ask and question God when our friend is on crutches for six to eight weeks. We ask and question God when we fail our final exam. Our faith, or rather, our lack thereof, skews our perception of how God works in our lives, so that when these storms come we panic and question God, “Don’t you care that we are going through a hard and difficult time? Don’t you care that my world is going to end? Don’t you care that my heart feels like it’s dying?”
We get so caught up in the way we have defined God, we fail to see that God has indeed calmed the storm in our lives. Think of the dying relative whom everyone prays for. Yes, they may have died physically, but his spirit was healed when our prayers brought him peace in his heart. Those of us who have experienced a loved one’s death could only ask that he or she would die in peace. If our loved one dies peacefully, we, ourselves, find peace in our hearts, and in the process, have been healed, and even strengthened in knowing that his or her death was a peaceful one. We have prayed in faith for healing, and not only has our loved one been healed, but those who loved him or her have also been healed. When we place our faith in God, our perspective changes and we see the healing that has taken place.
The extraordinary faith that the centurion had was because he placed his faith solely on Christ Jesus. It wasn’t the magic touch of Christ or the flick of the wrist or even the physical presence of Christ. No. His faith was based on the fact that Jesus Christ had the power and the authority such that even the seas would obey him. That’s the point I’m trying to get at here. It’s okay to believe and trust in people and things. If we don’t trust people, we will live a very lonely and solitary life.
But don’t place the whole of your faith in these people and things. The things of this world will pass away. People will fail you. The only person… the only being… the only thing that we should place the whole of our faith into is simply Jesus Christ.
And so I challenge you, and I’m also challenging myself, if there’s anything in your life that you’ve been wary of placing into the hands of God, give it a try. Keep your heart open. Keep your eyes peeled. That faith may yet change your life.

Anabaptists...

Excerpted from Hans Denck's Concerning True Love 1527
Love is a spiritual power. The lover desires to be united with the beloved. Where love is fulfilled, the lover does not objectify the beloved. The lover forgets himself, as if he were no more, and without shame he yearns for his beloved. The lover cannot be content until he has proven his love for the beloved in the most dangerous situations. The lover would gladly and willingly face death for the benefit of the beloved. Indeed, the lover might be so foolish as to die to please his beloved, even knowing that no other benefit could come from the act. And the less his beloved acknowledges his love, the more passion the lover feels. He will not cease in his love but strives the more to prove his love, even if it will never be acknowledged.

When love is true and plays no favorites, it reaches out in desire to unite with all people (that is, without causing division and instability). Love itself can never be satisfied by lovers. Even if all lovers were to desert their loving, even if the joy of loving were no more with them, love is such a richness in itself that it was, is, and will be satisfied into eternity. Love willingly denies all things, no matter how cherished. Yet love cannot deny itself.

If it were possible, love would even deny itself for the sake of love. Love would allow itself to cease and become as nothing so that love's object could become what love is. We might even say that love hates itself, for love selflessly desires only the good of others. If love were unwillingly to deny itself for the sake of the beloved, it would not be true lov­ing but a form of selfishness in love's own eyes. Love knows and recognizes that total giving for the sake of the beloved is good. That is why love cannot deny itself. Love must finally love itself, not selfishly, but as loving what is good.

Lines and Horizons with a side of Cynicism...

I had another great idea for a blog post... yesterday. I forgot to write it down. Now it's disappeared completely into the aether of existence.

I watched Game 7 of the ALCS on Sunday. It was a great game. Boston totally blew it wide open in the 8th inning. And from the people at the bottom of the order, no less.

I've been wondering where exactly God is calling me in terms of ministry. While I'm not exactly at the "point of no return" as far as decision making goes, that decision is looming on the horizon. This candidacy checklist that I received from the Virginia Annual Conference today is so long and exhaustive. Six to nine months is the typical timeframe for the completion of the checklist.

While I hate to trivialize this checklist, there are a lot of hoops to jump through in order to become ordained. It's three pages with 25 steps and most of these steps are summarized in a paragraph or so.

Something else that's be preoccupying my thoughts as of late is my increasingly cynical attitude towards people who say things they don't mean. I've never been one to flatter or compliment someone loosely or easily. When I compliment you, I mean it. I don't say things that I don't mean unless it's in the middle of a fight. I ruminate and chew on every word before I speak.

But lately, I've had to question whether words spoken by someone I care deeply about are as deliberate...
This person says things and before sunset, this person will be saying something completely different and rationalizing it away by saying it was said in jest.

My gut refuses to accept this explanation. So I ask you...
Should I trust my gut or should I doubt the very God-given instincts and go with what my mind tells me I should do.

I Feel Like...

I feel like crap. I don't know why. I've been in a ratty mood for the past few days. I've tried to play it off, but it's not working. I suck at hiding my emotions.
So we took this Enneagram Personality Test at the KSA Retreat last Monday. I came out as two completely opposite types. The first type I came up as was "The Helper." The other one was "The Investigator." Basically, the Helper is the epitome of the irrational, led-by-the-heart, and emotion-driven person.
The Investigator is the epitome of the rational, logical, and just person.

I don't get how I came out as both. I'm a walking contradiction. Or a walking emotional conflict.

I can see both sides in me. Both sides have things that I definitely like about myself.
I really need to figure myself out.

Sabbath

So, I trudged up to New Jersey for the weekend. A Sabbath, if you will.
Today I woke up really late. It felt good.
After trying to decide what to do, (since I had woken up so late), I decided (or rather, was volunteered) to take my cousin David fishing on the Delaware River.
The spot he chose was a small natural jetty of rock and sand that was accessible after trudging through some thick brush and a steep embankment. Once we set up shop there, I decided to take out one of my books for Church History class and try to start some of my reading ("try" being the operative word here)
I observed my cousin setting up his bait and sinkers and other various implements of piscine torture. (brief tangent... imagine how you would feel if someone dangled a filet mignon in front of you and the moment you bit down on it, your cheek got pierced by a hook... PETA, when do I get my check?)
After he set up his rod, he went out into the water a couple times, and other times tried to balance himself on a rock with a grace and ability that would make a Buddhist proud.
I finally decided that reading on such a beautiful day was but a fool's errand and relegated myself into the relative calm and serene surroundings. I busted out my camera and started taking some pictures. The water was calm. In fact, it was so calm, ne'er a wave was lapping onto shore. A few people were out on the river in canoes and having a good time. An older gentleman was with us on the jetty and seemed like he was out there just thinking. Perhaps reminiscing of days gone by... Perhaps unwinding from a stressful week. Either way... I was feeling him.
All of a sudden, a low mechanical roar pierced through the calm air. I looked and saw its source. A speedboat was racing down the river with an obnoxious din. As it sped by, I couldn't help but notice that the driver of the boat didn't seem to care that he was disturbing the peace
that was just being savored a few seconds prior. That's how fast he was going. It took but half a minute for him to pass the jetty, and soon he and his noise were gone.
I was relieved that he was gone and soon started again to take in the calm and peace. But after a brief moment of silence, I heard a strange sound that I had not yet heard during our short stay. The rhythmic lapping of waves started to fill my ears. The speedboat had left many waves in its wake. In fact, the waves continued to lap at the shore and the jetty for several minutes after the speedboat had disappeared behind the bend in the river. Even the sound of the motor had already faded into nothingness when the waves started to come ashore.
Now if you have ever been fishing, you know that this is the worst possible thing that could happen, i.e. loud noises and waves disturbing the waters. Even after the first waves from the wake of the boat lapped ashore, several more mini-waves (aftershocks, if you will) continued to disturb the water. It was a long while until the water regained its initial calm and serenity.

At this point, the older gentleman seemingly got annoyed and left.
My cousin just shook his head and continued to fish.

It got me thinking:
How often have we been the older gentleman in life?
How often have we been like my cousin?
How often have we been in the speedboat, racing up the Delaware River?

Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

So many people these days forget the adage we learned in kindergarten: think before you act (or speak). So many people, myself included, often speak without thinking. Some people get a rise out of stirring up a hornets' nest of controversy. I've even heard of some instances where a person, who is completely uninvolved in a particular situation, came in, said a comment, and left as quickly as he/she came in. The comment, however, led to an intense debate amongst a group and soon enough, people were divided even before they realized what had happened.

I've heard of relationships and friendships being cracked wide open and split because of misspeak.

Words are truly our strongest and deadliest weapon. Words can destroy a person's soul. Words can kill.

But, as is the case in most things in life, there is a flipside to this coin. Jay-Z's famed Gift and Curse.

Words can be used to mend wounds. Words can be used to build up. Words can be used to restore life.

How often do we think about the things we say or do and how much they play a role in our lives. Think for a moment. Can you remember an instance when you were insulted or other wise verbally hurt? Not too hard, is it?
Try this.
Can you remember an instance...a specific instance when you insulted or otherwise verbally hurt someone? Not as easy, is it?
I'd be willing to bet that for every instance where you can remember something YOU said to someone, that you can remember five things someone said to you. It works both ways...
Do you remember a time when someone said something to you that just uplifted your soul?
Do you remember a time when you said something to someone that just uplifted his/her soul?

Have you ever been approached by someone who thanked you for something nice you said to them days... weeks... months... years before? And when that happened did you respond with a, "Oh, no problem, my pleasure. I know exactly what you're talking about!" Or, more likely, did you respond by saying, "Oh, I said that? When?"
This conversation tends to suck more when it's about something mean you said to someone. Talk about awkward... huh?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the biggest load of bull that kids are made to believe at a young age. Bones will mend and heal, but the cuts in a person's heart may never be.

You may think you're safe. You may think that things you said to a person won't come back and bite you in the ass. The thing about God is that God puts people in our lives for a specific purpose. Some may be there because you needed them at that moment. But, more likely, some are there because you will need them in the future. Unfortunately, for the most part, we don't know who belongs in which category. That server at the restaurant you treated rudely and brusquely may end up being your future wife's mother or father. (extreme example, I know... but for illustrative purposes only.)

You never know who you're talking to. But in the end, we shouldn't care who we're talking to. We might as well treat each other with the love, respect, and dignity we all deserve. Christ paid too high a price, for us to pick and choose who to love. Casting Crowns rocks.

Who Am I?

I was speaking to a 동생 (younger sibling figure, for you non-Koreans) earlier today, and she told me she was on the verge of professing her undying love for a guy at school.
Now, this girl has become somewhat of a surrogate younger sister to me, so naturally, my older brother mentality kicked in. So I posited the following questions:
"Who is he? Is he a good guy? Tell me about him. Who is he?"
Naturally, she replied with a list of things about him:
"He's tall, he's good looking, he plays tennis, he plays the trumpet, he's got a good voice, he's nice."

My initial reaction was, "How typical..."
And then I realized, she didn't really answer my question.
You see, I had asked her, "Who is he?"
But she answered the question of, "What is he?"
She gave me a long list of things about him, but that didn't really answer my question of who this guy really is.

What's your initial reaction when someone asks you about another person? Do you start by reading off a veritable grocery list of qualities? To me, it begs the question, "are our identities really defined by a résumé of clubs and activities we participate in?"

I'm reminded of a scene from the season premiere of The Office from last week. In it, Michael goes around and asks his employees what religion they are. Michale asks the I.T. Guy what religion he is:

"Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. But I also like hiphop and NPR. And I'm restoring 1967 Corvette in my spare time."

I asked someone else the question, "Who are you?"
To which she replied, "I'm Jane."

Best answer ever.
So, I ask you, faithful reader (singular).

Who are you?

Not so easy to answer... is it?

Reading Week Can Not Come Soon Enough...

Fifteen hours of Graduate-Level work, a happy seminarian does not make...
This is the first blog entry I've made in this thing in a long while. I'm not too sure why I feel so compelled to write here today. Perhaps it is some innate masochistic desire to make my last few days before reading week a living hell. Yeah... me and my self-destructive tendencies...

Surprisingly enough, I have found myself drawn closer to God through my studying (what I get done on time, that is) .
However, I now know what it means to be a liberal in the context of theology. While I don't like to compare... I guess it's the only way to discuss it in this setting.

In the past month, I have found myself to be not conservative. At the same time, I have found myself to be not liberal. The cool thing is, for some reason I find myself not being as judgmental as I thought I could have been. Granted, I don't agree with the people who are a little more on the conservative end, nor do I agree with the people who are a little more on the liberal end... But I don't neccessarily find their beliefs to be "wrong." Does that even make sense?

Well. That's it. I gotta get back to reading the entire book of Matthew.
Reading week... Oh how I long for thee...

Redemption. Return. Forgiveness. Repentance.

We all screw up.
We all make promises to God. Don't we?
How many of us have broken that promise?
How many of us have broken that promise twice... thrice... a couple hundred times?

"Dear God, I promise not to cuss, even if am angry as shit... oh fuck... oh wait... aww shit... damn not... damn it! Okay God, seriously, I promise not to cuss starting... now... promise... okay? For serious okay?"

The thing about God is that His grace, love, and mercy are infinite.
Everytime we screw up, God is there waiting for us to ask Him to help us up. All you need to do is ask. God WANTS to help us. God is ACTIVELY seeking us out.

He never hides from us. We are the ones who hide from Him.

The only thing we need to do is earnestly want to change in our hearts. God cares about the state of our heart. He wants us to come back to Him.

Have you broken a promise to God? Maybe something happened. Maybe you couldn't keep the promise. Maybe someone made you break your promise.

Have you asked God to forgive you for that broken promise? God's waiting. No matter how much you screw up, God's love for us and patience for us and grace for us is infinite. Like the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, He sheds all of His majesty, all of His status as creator of the universe, all of His status as I AM to come running to find us.

All you need to do is ask God to forgive you and then make the promise again.
With God it truly is "forgive and forget."
He wipes the slate clean every time He forgives us.

Make the promise again in your heart and God will honor your heart.

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Cor. 6:12