Welcome back, Me.

My, my, my... it's been a while, hasn't it?
My life, as of late, has been quite hectic. Between the starting of a new store (we'll get to that in just a minute, actually)and applications, it's definitely been an interesting ride, as of late. There were a LOT of things that I actually did want to type/write about. I just couldn't find the energy, nor the desire to follow through on it.

Suddenly, I'm starting to see my "old" self come back into being. I honestly don't know what happened to me between then and now. I think part of me tried to "suppress" the fun side of me. The "wild" side, as it were. Yes, Virginia, I do have a wild side.

I feel so stifled from working with youth, and having to "set a good example." It's like I had to put up this mask of a "holier than thou" person in order to be an effective leader. It's been hard. It's stymied my personal growth. It's ultimately been an unhealthy experience for me.

There's a point where you need to draw the line between your personal life and your ministry life. Unfortunately, I feel as if that line has been broken and one has let the other bleed into it. What has resulted is somewhat of a disturbing hybridization of the two.

Because of this mixing of lives, I feel that I have been more prone to burnout than I have in the past. Yes, that's how I would describe my current state of being.

I am officially burned out.

I love serving the youth. Well, maybe past tense is the best way to put it...
I loved serving the youth.

But there came a point when I just didn't feel that desire to serve anymore. Maybe it's been blocked out. Maybe it's disappeared. The point is, my heart isn't there anymore. I feel so drained.

I dread Sundays now because I seriously don't feel like leading a Sunday School class. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have some of the most obnoxious boys in the entire youth group. Maybe it has to do with the people I'm working with. Whatever it is, I don't like church anymore. Note clearly, I said "church" not "Church."

I'm not getting what I need from it.
I'm not giving what I should to it.

Today, my mother and I stopped by church to help wash the dishes after some sort of commemorative service. I had fun. I loved serving people - serving God - without need or want for affirmation. What this has to do with anything, I don't know. But I know that for the first time in a long time, I enjoyed working on/at something in church.

But it's getting too late. Continue later, perhaps?