I had another great idea for a blog post... yesterday. I forgot to write it down. Now it's disappeared completely into the aether of existence.
I watched Game 7 of the ALCS on Sunday. It was a great game. Boston totally blew it wide open in the 8th inning. And from the people at the bottom of the order, no less.
I've been wondering where exactly God is calling me in terms of ministry. While I'm not exactly at the "point of no return" as far as decision making goes, that decision is looming on the horizon. This candidacy checklist that I received from the Virginia Annual Conference today is so long and exhaustive. Six to nine months is the typical timeframe for the completion of the checklist.
While I hate to trivialize this checklist, there are a lot of hoops to jump through in order to become ordained. It's three pages with 25 steps and most of these steps are summarized in a paragraph or so.
Something else that's be preoccupying my thoughts as of late is my increasingly cynical attitude towards people who say things they don't mean. I've never been one to flatter or compliment someone loosely or easily. When I compliment you, I mean it. I don't say things that I don't mean unless it's in the middle of a fight. I ruminate and chew on every word before I speak.
But lately, I've had to question whether words spoken by someone I care deeply about are as deliberate...
This person says things and before sunset, this person will be saying something completely different and rationalizing it away by saying it was said in jest.
My gut refuses to accept this explanation. So I ask you...
Should I trust my gut or should I doubt the very God-given instincts and go with what my mind tells me I should do.
23 October 2007
16 October 2007
I Feel Like...
I feel like crap. I don't know why. I've been in a ratty mood for the past few days. I've tried to play it off, but it's not working. I suck at hiding my emotions.
So we took this Enneagram Personality Test at the KSA Retreat last Monday. I came out as two completely opposite types. The first type I came up as was "The Helper." The other one was "The Investigator." Basically, the Helper is the epitome of the irrational, led-by-the-heart, and emotion-driven person.
The Investigator is the epitome of the rational, logical, and just person.
I don't get how I came out as both. I'm a walking contradiction. Or a walking emotional conflict.
I can see both sides in me. Both sides have things that I definitely like about myself.
I really need to figure myself out.
So we took this Enneagram Personality Test at the KSA Retreat last Monday. I came out as two completely opposite types. The first type I came up as was "The Helper." The other one was "The Investigator." Basically, the Helper is the epitome of the irrational, led-by-the-heart, and emotion-driven person.
The Investigator is the epitome of the rational, logical, and just person.
I don't get how I came out as both. I'm a walking contradiction. Or a walking emotional conflict.
I can see both sides in me. Both sides have things that I definitely like about myself.
I really need to figure myself out.
06 October 2007
Sabbath
So, I trudged up to New Jersey for the weekend. A Sabbath, if you will.
Today I woke up really late. It felt good.
After trying to decide what to do, (since I had woken up so late), I decided (or rather, was volunteered) to take my cousin David fishing on the Delaware River.
The spot he chose was a small natural jetty of rock and sand that was accessible after trudging through some thick brush and a steep embankment. Once we set up shop there, I decided to take out one of my books for Church History class and try to start some of my reading ("try" being the operative word here)
I observed my cousin setting up his bait and sinkers and other various implements of piscine torture. (brief tangent... imagine how you would feel if someone dangled a filet mignon in front of you and the moment you bit down on it, your cheek got pierced by a hook... PETA, when do I get my check?)
After he set up his rod, he went out into the water a couple times, and other times tried to balance himself on a rock with a grace and ability that would make a Buddhist proud.
I finally decided that reading on such a beautiful day was but a fool's errand and relegated myself into the relative calm and serene surroundings. I busted out my camera and started taking some pictures. The water was calm. In fact, it was so calm, ne'er a wave was lapping onto shore. A few people were out on the river in canoes and having a good time. An older gentleman was with us on the jetty and seemed like he was out there just thinking. Perhaps reminiscing of days gone by... Perhaps unwinding from a stressful week. Either way... I was feeling him.
All of a sudden, a low mechanical roar pierced through the calm air. I looked and saw its source. A speedboat was racing down the river with an obnoxious din. As it sped by, I couldn't help but notice that the driver of the boat didn't seem to care that he was disturbing the peace
that was just being savored a few seconds prior. That's how fast he was going. It took but half a minute for him to pass the jetty, and soon he and his noise were gone.
I was relieved that he was gone and soon started again to take in the calm and peace. But after a brief moment of silence, I heard a strange sound that I had not yet heard during our short stay. The rhythmic lapping of waves started to fill my ears. The speedboat had left many waves in its wake. In fact, the waves continued to lap at the shore and the jetty for several minutes after the speedboat had disappeared behind the bend in the river. Even the sound of the motor had already faded into nothingness when the waves started to come ashore.
Now if you have ever been fishing, you know that this is the worst possible thing that could happen, i.e. loud noises and waves disturbing the waters. Even after the first waves from the wake of the boat lapped ashore, several more mini-waves (aftershocks, if you will) continued to disturb the water. It was a long while until the water regained its initial calm and serenity.
At this point, the older gentleman seemingly got annoyed and left.
My cousin just shook his head and continued to fish.
It got me thinking:
How often have we been the older gentleman in life?
How often have we been like my cousin?
How often have we been in the speedboat, racing up the Delaware River?
Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
So many people these days forget the adage we learned in kindergarten: think before you act (or speak). So many people, myself included, often speak without thinking. Some people get a rise out of stirring up a hornets' nest of controversy. I've even heard of some instances where a person, who is completely uninvolved in a particular situation, came in, said a comment, and left as quickly as he/she came in. The comment, however, led to an intense debate amongst a group and soon enough, people were divided even before they realized what had happened.
I've heard of relationships and friendships being cracked wide open and split because of misspeak.
Words are truly our strongest and deadliest weapon. Words can destroy a person's soul. Words can kill.
But, as is the case in most things in life, there is a flipside to this coin. Jay-Z's famed Gift and Curse.
Words can be used to mend wounds. Words can be used to build up. Words can be used to restore life.
How often do we think about the things we say or do and how much they play a role in our lives. Think for a moment. Can you remember an instance when you were insulted or other wise verbally hurt? Not too hard, is it?
Try this.
Can you remember an instance...a specific instance when you insulted or otherwise verbally hurt someone? Not as easy, is it?
I'd be willing to bet that for every instance where you can remember something YOU said to someone, that you can remember five things someone said to you. It works both ways...
Do you remember a time when someone said something to you that just uplifted your soul?
Do you remember a time when you said something to someone that just uplifted his/her soul?
Have you ever been approached by someone who thanked you for something nice you said to them days... weeks... months... years before? And when that happened did you respond with a, "Oh, no problem, my pleasure. I know exactly what you're talking about!" Or, more likely, did you respond by saying, "Oh, I said that? When?"
This conversation tends to suck more when it's about something mean you said to someone. Talk about awkward... huh?
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the biggest load of bull that kids are made to believe at a young age. Bones will mend and heal, but the cuts in a person's heart may never be.
You may think you're safe. You may think that things you said to a person won't come back and bite you in the ass. The thing about God is that God puts people in our lives for a specific purpose. Some may be there because you needed them at that moment. But, more likely, some are there because you will need them in the future. Unfortunately, for the most part, we don't know who belongs in which category. That server at the restaurant you treated rudely and brusquely may end up being your future wife's mother or father. (extreme example, I know... but for illustrative purposes only.)
You never know who you're talking to. But in the end, we shouldn't care who we're talking to. We might as well treat each other with the love, respect, and dignity we all deserve. Christ paid too high a price, for us to pick and choose who to love. Casting Crowns rocks.
Today I woke up really late. It felt good.
After trying to decide what to do, (since I had woken up so late), I decided (or rather, was volunteered) to take my cousin David fishing on the Delaware River.
The spot he chose was a small natural jetty of rock and sand that was accessible after trudging through some thick brush and a steep embankment. Once we set up shop there, I decided to take out one of my books for Church History class and try to start some of my reading ("try" being the operative word here)
I observed my cousin setting up his bait and sinkers and other various implements of piscine torture. (brief tangent... imagine how you would feel if someone dangled a filet mignon in front of you and the moment you bit down on it, your cheek got pierced by a hook... PETA, when do I get my check?)
After he set up his rod, he went out into the water a couple times, and other times tried to balance himself on a rock with a grace and ability that would make a Buddhist proud.
I finally decided that reading on such a beautiful day was but a fool's errand and relegated myself into the relative calm and serene surroundings. I busted out my camera and started taking some pictures. The water was calm. In fact, it was so calm, ne'er a wave was lapping onto shore. A few people were out on the river in canoes and having a good time. An older gentleman was with us on the jetty and seemed like he was out there just thinking. Perhaps reminiscing of days gone by... Perhaps unwinding from a stressful week. Either way... I was feeling him.
All of a sudden, a low mechanical roar pierced through the calm air. I looked and saw its source. A speedboat was racing down the river with an obnoxious din. As it sped by, I couldn't help but notice that the driver of the boat didn't seem to care that he was disturbing the peace
that was just being savored a few seconds prior. That's how fast he was going. It took but half a minute for him to pass the jetty, and soon he and his noise were gone.
I was relieved that he was gone and soon started again to take in the calm and peace. But after a brief moment of silence, I heard a strange sound that I had not yet heard during our short stay. The rhythmic lapping of waves started to fill my ears. The speedboat had left many waves in its wake. In fact, the waves continued to lap at the shore and the jetty for several minutes after the speedboat had disappeared behind the bend in the river. Even the sound of the motor had already faded into nothingness when the waves started to come ashore.
Now if you have ever been fishing, you know that this is the worst possible thing that could happen, i.e. loud noises and waves disturbing the waters. Even after the first waves from the wake of the boat lapped ashore, several more mini-waves (aftershocks, if you will) continued to disturb the water. It was a long while until the water regained its initial calm and serenity.
At this point, the older gentleman seemingly got annoyed and left.
My cousin just shook his head and continued to fish.
It got me thinking:
How often have we been the older gentleman in life?
How often have we been like my cousin?
How often have we been in the speedboat, racing up the Delaware River?
Proverbs 10:19 says, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
So many people these days forget the adage we learned in kindergarten: think before you act (or speak). So many people, myself included, often speak without thinking. Some people get a rise out of stirring up a hornets' nest of controversy. I've even heard of some instances where a person, who is completely uninvolved in a particular situation, came in, said a comment, and left as quickly as he/she came in. The comment, however, led to an intense debate amongst a group and soon enough, people were divided even before they realized what had happened.
I've heard of relationships and friendships being cracked wide open and split because of misspeak.
Words are truly our strongest and deadliest weapon. Words can destroy a person's soul. Words can kill.
But, as is the case in most things in life, there is a flipside to this coin. Jay-Z's famed Gift and Curse.
Words can be used to mend wounds. Words can be used to build up. Words can be used to restore life.
How often do we think about the things we say or do and how much they play a role in our lives. Think for a moment. Can you remember an instance when you were insulted or other wise verbally hurt? Not too hard, is it?
Try this.
Can you remember an instance...a specific instance when you insulted or otherwise verbally hurt someone? Not as easy, is it?
I'd be willing to bet that for every instance where you can remember something YOU said to someone, that you can remember five things someone said to you. It works both ways...
Do you remember a time when someone said something to you that just uplifted your soul?
Do you remember a time when you said something to someone that just uplifted his/her soul?
Have you ever been approached by someone who thanked you for something nice you said to them days... weeks... months... years before? And when that happened did you respond with a, "Oh, no problem, my pleasure. I know exactly what you're talking about!" Or, more likely, did you respond by saying, "Oh, I said that? When?"
This conversation tends to suck more when it's about something mean you said to someone. Talk about awkward... huh?
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the biggest load of bull that kids are made to believe at a young age. Bones will mend and heal, but the cuts in a person's heart may never be.
You may think you're safe. You may think that things you said to a person won't come back and bite you in the ass. The thing about God is that God puts people in our lives for a specific purpose. Some may be there because you needed them at that moment. But, more likely, some are there because you will need them in the future. Unfortunately, for the most part, we don't know who belongs in which category. That server at the restaurant you treated rudely and brusquely may end up being your future wife's mother or father. (extreme example, I know... but for illustrative purposes only.)
You never know who you're talking to. But in the end, we shouldn't care who we're talking to. We might as well treat each other with the love, respect, and dignity we all deserve. Christ paid too high a price, for us to pick and choose who to love. Casting Crowns rocks.
02 October 2007
Who Am I?
I was speaking to a 동생 (younger sibling figure, for you non-Koreans) earlier today, and she told me she was on the verge of professing her undying love for a guy at school.
Now, this girl has become somewhat of a surrogate younger sister to me, so naturally, my older brother mentality kicked in. So I posited the following questions:
"Who is he? Is he a good guy? Tell me about him. Who is he?"
Naturally, she replied with a list of things about him:
"He's tall, he's good looking, he plays tennis, he plays the trumpet, he's got a good voice, he's nice."
My initial reaction was, "How typical..."
And then I realized, she didn't really answer my question.
You see, I had asked her, "Who is he?"
But she answered the question of, "What is he?"
She gave me a long list of things about him, but that didn't really answer my question of who this guy really is.
What's your initial reaction when someone asks you about another person? Do you start by reading off a veritable grocery list of qualities? To me, it begs the question, "are our identities really defined by a résumé of clubs and activities we participate in?"
I'm reminded of a scene from the season premiere of The Office from last week. In it, Michael goes around and asks his employees what religion they are. Michale asks the I.T. Guy what religion he is:
To which she replied, "I'm Jane."
Best answer ever.
So, I ask you, faithful reader (singular).
Who are you?
Not so easy to answer... is it?
Now, this girl has become somewhat of a surrogate younger sister to me, so naturally, my older brother mentality kicked in. So I posited the following questions:
"Who is he? Is he a good guy? Tell me about him. Who is he?"
Naturally, she replied with a list of things about him:
"He's tall, he's good looking, he plays tennis, he plays the trumpet, he's got a good voice, he's nice."
My initial reaction was, "How typical..."
And then I realized, she didn't really answer my question.
You see, I had asked her, "Who is he?"
But she answered the question of, "What is he?"
She gave me a long list of things about him, but that didn't really answer my question of who this guy really is.
What's your initial reaction when someone asks you about another person? Do you start by reading off a veritable grocery list of qualities? To me, it begs the question, "are our identities really defined by a résumé of clubs and activities we participate in?"
I'm reminded of a scene from the season premiere of The Office from last week. In it, Michael goes around and asks his employees what religion they are. Michale asks the I.T. Guy what religion he is:
"Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. But I also like hiphop and NPR. And I'm restoring 1967 Corvette in my spare time."I asked someone else the question, "Who are you?"
To which she replied, "I'm Jane."
Best answer ever.
So, I ask you, faithful reader (singular).
Who are you?
Not so easy to answer... is it?
Reading Week Can Not Come Soon Enough...
Fifteen hours of Graduate-Level work, a happy seminarian does not make...
This is the first blog entry I've made in this thing in a long while. I'm not too sure why I feel so compelled to write here today. Perhaps it is some innate masochistic desire to make my last few days before reading week a living hell. Yeah... me and my self-destructive tendencies...
Surprisingly enough, I have found myself drawn closer to God through my studying (what I get done on time, that is) .
However, I now know what it means to be a liberal in the context of theology. While I don't like to compare... I guess it's the only way to discuss it in this setting.
In the past month, I have found myself to be not conservative. At the same time, I have found myself to be not liberal. The cool thing is, for some reason I find myself not being as judgmental as I thought I could have been. Granted, I don't agree with the people who are a little more on the conservative end, nor do I agree with the people who are a little more on the liberal end... But I don't neccessarily find their beliefs to be "wrong." Does that even make sense?
Well. That's it. I gotta get back to reading the entire book of Matthew.
Reading week... Oh how I long for thee...
This is the first blog entry I've made in this thing in a long while. I'm not too sure why I feel so compelled to write here today. Perhaps it is some innate masochistic desire to make my last few days before reading week a living hell. Yeah... me and my self-destructive tendencies...
Surprisingly enough, I have found myself drawn closer to God through my studying (what I get done on time, that is) .
However, I now know what it means to be a liberal in the context of theology. While I don't like to compare... I guess it's the only way to discuss it in this setting.
In the past month, I have found myself to be not conservative. At the same time, I have found myself to be not liberal. The cool thing is, for some reason I find myself not being as judgmental as I thought I could have been. Granted, I don't agree with the people who are a little more on the conservative end, nor do I agree with the people who are a little more on the liberal end... But I don't neccessarily find their beliefs to be "wrong." Does that even make sense?
Well. That's it. I gotta get back to reading the entire book of Matthew.
Reading week... Oh how I long for thee...
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